Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
