did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
