Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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