So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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