Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
