I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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