UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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