I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
