Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
