I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
