Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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