I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
