the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just want to make out with him forever
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
