And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
