My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
