you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
