Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
