They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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