So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
