You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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