wanna go halves on a baby?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
pray to the hookup gods
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
