just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
