i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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