dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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