my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
