So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
