One girl and one boy is just not enough.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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