Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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