I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
