I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
