I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
