the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
