party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
