Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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