Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
