Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
