At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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