Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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