The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
