i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
