Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
