Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
