Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
