Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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