All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
