I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
