Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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