Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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