you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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