I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
