I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
