Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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