you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
